her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
