is wine microwaveable?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
