He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
