doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
