I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
