We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
