Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
