i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
