She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
