you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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