Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
