My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
