Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
