I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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