either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
