I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
