dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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