but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
