I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
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