Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
