i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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