It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
