LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
