Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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