Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
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