just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
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