Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
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