I'm going to jail i love you
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
My vagina is officially offended.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
