Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
