I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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