Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
