i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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