This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
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I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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