i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
