i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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