I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
