With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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