I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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