im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
