how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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