I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
