Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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