I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Randomize
