Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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