when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if only i could text you this smell
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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