I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
