Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
