ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
