You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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