i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
