Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize