Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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