bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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