so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
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