Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
