I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
