The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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