LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
