my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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