dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
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