I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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