I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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