I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
